The Abandoned work
- Ann Lam-Anh
- Mar 30
- 9 min read
Warning: This post contains sensitive information and images.
Earlier this year, I started sketching for my new projects on animal welfare. I wrote down ideas for the collections on the impacts of my fashion and product choices. For my cashmere sweater, I took note of where the material came from, the regions of the world that have the most cashmere goats. For my leather boots, I sketched the cycle of leather processing from time the cows were slaughtered, hung upside-down for blood draining, and skinned, to the final product of the cowhide harvested before being sold to the companies that process them into leather for fashion products. I also added images of cows kissing each other, a cow and her calf standing next to each other, and a cow’s face with tears coming down. They all wanted to live. For my python skin purse, I drew my purse and the pythons being hung from the heads with drops of blood dripping down. I didn’t write any notes, but from my research, it’s common that many of them are skinned alive. I also sketched images around animal testing for cosmetics. I started working on two 24x36in paintings on animal testing and leather products first after I was satisfied with the initial sketches.
I became aware of testing on animals in early 2022 and spent some time researching for more environmentally friendly and humane products. It wasn’t an overnight transition. For skincare, I studied the company’s mission, material sourcing, environment consideration, and reviews. I narrowed it down to two brands to try: Biossance based in Los Angeles and pai from United Kingdom, and they have been my go-to brands ever since. Their products are both vegan and cruelty-free. The companies also achieved other certifications, like recyclable packaging, COSMOS Organic, or compostable, or promised to achieve them by a certain time.
Rabbits, mice, and guinea pigs are widely used in skincare and cosmetic testing. I want to portray the common tests being done on animals. I started painting the innocent and happy rabbits eating vegetables and mice enjoying the flowers in colorful bubbles. I painted the testing scene in darker bubbles and pushed them back in the background as they’re typically concealed by the medical industry and out of sight of most people. I painted half of my face and hair on the left telling the story of years of consuming beauty products without the awareness of the impacts of my choices. Was there beauty in my choices?
I painted mostly in my quiet studio, going back and forth between my reading, research and planning the composition and placement of the bubbles. It was a long process since I found myself stopping many times thinking about the animals being used for the products I consumed and the short-lived lives for my vanity. I thought about the confined space they are kept in and only pulled out when a test needed to be done or administered, then killed once they’re no longer useful. Most had never seen the sky or smelled the fresh air.
I added images of the skin irritations and corrosion testing that are done mostly on eyes and skin. I felt good about the overall composition and the story I want to portray on canvas. I started adding colors a couple of days later after absorbing too many images and stories during my research. When I got to the mouse eye that was burnt from testing and I started crying. The white lab mouse was looking at me begging for mercy. More images from my research started flashing in front of me. I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t face anyone in my painting. I left the studio and went to hug Ahsoka and Anubi, my fur babies. I distracted myself with some snacks and drinks, then gathered the courage to head back into the studio again.
This agonizing cycle continued as I slowly made progress on the painting. Some days the begging was softer when I focused on the technical aspects. On other days, my sobs were louder. After decades on this planet, why are my tears still abundant? How many more times will I tear up or cry? Sometimes I thought I need to get a hold of myself, but most days I felt that I’m supposed to feel these emotions and do something about them – share the information about the reality behind something that represents beauty and speak up for the voiceless.
And sometimes: Damn it! Stop Crying!
Some days when the mice and rabbits were not talking to me, they talked to one another. When I got to the image of the rabbit facing the mouse, I imagined them finding consolation in each other.
Mouse: How are you feeling today, Rabbit?
Rabbit: I’m ok though my back is burning.
Mouse: What are you being tested on today?
Rabbit: I think it’s just the irritation from chemical testing for cosmetics or household products.
Mouse: I’m going through the same tests on my eyes and it’s harder to see now. I still feel lucky though.
Rabbit: I know what you mean because my neighbor was in the operating room a lot more for spine fusion experiments.
Mouse: And my mom was in the pathological testing group, but I don’t see her anymore.
Rabbit: I’m sorry Mouse. But remember what Ralph said, “We’re doing this to help human.” His family has been lab testers for generations.
I’m sitting at the corner of a café near my house in Arlington, VA, writing out their conversations in tears. I wiped my face a couple times, but no longer with discretion. Animal testing is not something I can get over with or become immune to. And I’m only talking about cosmetic testing.
Ralph is the fictional lab rabbit in Save Ralph, a stop-motion animation film. The film was developed to support the Human Society International’s global campaign to raise awareness about cosmetic animal testing and call for the ban of this cruelty practice. I can’t remember how I came across the film about Ralph, but I thought it was effective though heart-wrenching.
At least Ralph tries to rationalize the things that are being done to him and generations of his family and communicates with the viewers. In reality, most lab animals do not have the voice though they have fears and feel pain. And I feel their pains intensely. If you can observe my living space, you’ll see a grown a** woman intermittently running up and down the stairs in pains. On good days, there would be soft cries. On other days, you’ll hear wailing of deep grief.
One of my favorite quotes by artist Philip Guston is: “When you’re in the studio painting, there are a lot of people in there with you – your teachers, friends, … and one by one if you’re really painting, they walk out. And if you’re really painting, YOU walk out.”
Were they my cries then?
Over the years, with the tireless effort from activists and animal right groups, more companies adopted a more ethical and humane development process of their products and stopped testing on animals. Some even require their suppliers to adhere to the same no-animal-testing policy and provide written warrant. However, most luxury brands like La Mer, Bobbi Brown, and Estee Lauder, find it’s challenging to shift towards a more humane option because it impacts profitability, especially those that have a large client base in countries that have animal testing laws such as China, one of the top three largest consumer markets for cosmetic. The animal testing requirements are for special cosmetics, products with functional claims like sunscreens and whitening products according to the Ethical Elephant and Humane World for Animals organizations. Animal Legal Defense Fund’s (aldf.org) animal law update on its website mentioned that as of September 28, 2018, California became the first state to ban the sale of most cosmetics tested on animals. In May 2024, aldf.org provided an update that twelve states have banned cosmetic testing animals: California, Nevada, Illinois, Maryland, Virgina (yay!), Hawaii, Maine, New Jersey, Luisiana, New York, Oregon and Washington.
I was grateful for the progress, but I needed to make some adjustments for my project, significant adjustments for my own mental wellbeing. The current political climate has also been casting a dark shadow in my daily life already. I put the two paintings away in the corner with my studio, between some finished and unfinished work. I have quite a few unfinished works. Some I painted over because they no longer resonated with me. Some were no longer a priority, but this was the first time I put something aside because I couldn’t bear facing them. I had failed my fellow animals before for not being aware of my product choices. I felt like I was failing them again just because I can’t face what is being done to them.
At the beginning of August, I started sketching for my project again applying lighter esthetic with animals floating on the cloud and adopting the hashtags like #allanimalsgotoheaven, #allanimalsdeservelove, and #endanimalcruelty when posting my work on social media. The heaven project is more colorful and different from what I’ve created in recent years. It’s a good distraction for me to continue this work. I shared my sketching process in the comment section of one of The Gallery Companion’s newsletters by Dr. Victoria Powel after reading her post about David Bowie’s sketches. Dr. Powell is a historian and lecturer in modern and contemporary art based in the UK. She also writes about art, history, and culture. She reached out and asked to see my sketches. Dr. Powel wrote in her newsletter Inside The Creative Mind on October 3rd about the value of sketchbooks to artists and featured my creative process, where I sketch to flush out ideas and thoughts. It felt good sharing my process of my work on animal welfare.
With the positive move toward more humane testing, there is also more encouraging news about the skills and inner lives of non-human animals. They are a lot more intelligent and compassionate than what we give them credit for. Mice and rats have been successfully used to detect bombs with their highly developed sense of smell and light weight, making them ideal for not setting off bombs. They are also skilled in ignoring scrap metal that, for the traditional metal detectors, would often cause false alarms.
APOPO organization has been training African giant pouched rats and other scent-detection animals to tackled landmines and tuberculosis around the world for over 25 years. Not too long ago, I saw an Instagram post about a mouse’s retirement after her five-year bomb sniffing career. I held my hands up to my heart after reading the news wishing more of this kind of news would make headline. And recently, I came across an article from npr.org from January 11, 2022 about Magawa, who died during retirement age of eight. APOPO said Magawa was “the most successful explosive sniffing rat the organization ever trained. His caretakers said he remained playful until last week, when he slowed down and had less of an appetite.”
Are those tears coming down on my face again?
While Magawa was saving lives in the field, many rats enjoyed a more civilized life like driving tiny cars. In 2019 various news outlets including npr.org, phys.org, and BBC, featured the research at the University of Richmond where the lead researcher Dr. Kelly Lambert and team reported the successful training a group of rodents to drive tiny cars that demonstrated how complex and sophisticated rat brains are. Though in lab, the rats were raised in an “enriched environments” to observe their intelligence. This is featured in The Hidden Lives of Pets on Netflix. In November 2024, BBC published an updated article on Dr. Lambert’s research that led to other finding about the benefits of anticipation of positive experiences. I also occasionally stop by the Instagram account @emperorsofmischief by Kendal and Shaun, featuring “the adventures of curious rescue rats.” It’s wonderful to see how Kuzko can be quite a perfectionist when lining up his car to retrieve the treats or Pheobe solving puzzles.
As the new look for my new collection was taking shape, I shared my work with a few fellow members of the Vegan Society of the District of Columbia during a meeting on animal rights. A longtime member, David Savage offered to fund vegan and animal right books that I can give away or use them anyway I want. A few days later, David delivered the first 26 books to my home and started ordering books that will be delivered to me directly.
By mid-autumn, I started exhibiting the #allanimalgotoheaven works at four venues and received a silver award for one of my paintings, entitled “Heaven,” exhibited at Anne Rose Gallery at the Reston Community Center, Reston, VA. Three days before the exhibition opening reception, I received an email from the curator, Antonella Manganelli, informing me that the juror Debra Wright had selected my painting for the award and I should prepare a short speech. My heart was full feeling the animals were seen.
On October 19, I talked about my work at the Tell Me Something About the Flowers exhibition reception, and the yearning for a better world for the animals regardless of their experiences on this earth. I gave away 15 books that day and shared how the Heaven project saved me from myself. And of course I was emotional. Occasionally, I’m embarrassed about being emotional when giving talks about my art, but most days, I’m grateful to be alive and have all emotions intact in the world that forgets how to feel or benefits from our numbness. One day I will come back to the abandoned paintings and tell a compete story of their lives.
Don’t stop!
Perhaps, the next time the mouse and rabbit see each other, they can share their lab success stories:
Mouse: Good to see you again, Rabbit. I see that your fur grew back.
Rabbit: Yes, it feels wonderful now that I live in a sanctuary where humans can observe me in my more natural habitat. I get to walk on grass and run around with friends.
Mouse: And I’m at a university’s lab where humans study my intelligence and give me treats and lots of toys.
Rabbit: Keep up the good work, Mouse. Thank you for being there for me.
“If a man aspires to a virtuous life, his first act will be to abstain from harming animals.” Albert Einstein.
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